can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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