is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
