I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He passed out mid-signature
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We left the knife in your bed.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
