As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
