You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
