Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
