i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
