Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
