I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
