Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
