when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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