hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
