Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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