so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
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I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
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He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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