Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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