he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
