i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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