I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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