I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
