Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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