I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
