she was so not down for the gang bang
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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