so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
