I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
