I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
