soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
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It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
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She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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