WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
