I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
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Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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