that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
