i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
