my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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