it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
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I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
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You brought string cheese to the strip club
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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