If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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