i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
