So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
