If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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