If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
