I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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