we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
