i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
