Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
