I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
This baby is an asshole
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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