You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
