What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
