OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
