im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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