In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
