If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
