bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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