He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Randomize
