remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
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I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
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There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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