my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
