The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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