woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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