Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
