I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You're like the curious george of whores
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
