U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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