If i come over, it means nothing
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
