Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
