We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
