I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
