So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
