After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
