I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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