Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
