period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
