I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
