I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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