did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
