I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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