It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
